Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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