I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
