I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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