He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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