I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
