I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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