she was so not down for the gang bang
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
