Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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