i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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