Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
