the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
