Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
