Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
