Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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