we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
