My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
