Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
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