I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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