i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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