Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
