i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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