toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
two words...techno handjob
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
