Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
