Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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