Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
