Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
