Cold hands, warm shart.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
