singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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