In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She needs sedatives and a leash
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
