Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
