I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
