Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I did not marry a roomba.
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