Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
