I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
