Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
