So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
this is an emotional support booty call
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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