hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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