So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
