Someone shit on the floor
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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