Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
