Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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