I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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