I am puke
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
