Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
