sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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