I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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