The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
