Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize