you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
