I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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