finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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