nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
