You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
