hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
