If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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