Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
