Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
