I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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