Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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