I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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