I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
