i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
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