Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
