Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
