My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
