I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
