some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Terrible idea I love it
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
