Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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